Heart Skipped a Beat

I returned to that place the other day. It's been a handful of years at that. The images and words said from that point in my life are now blurred out, but I can still distinctly recall the emotions that came along with it. I reflect upon our experiences now and again, attempting to reinterpret everything when I'll never really make sense of it all. How ironic it is that what brings you up so high can drop you so low, and then repeatedly force you in even deeper. What I remember that used to bring back such a bitter taste no longer takes its toll on me. I do wonder what exactly does the fact that I can barely make out exact details anymore actually mean. Are they smudged out because of self-suppression? Or are they simply little damages that have been enforced that they may no longer be effective? There's a huge distinction between the two. Perhaps it could be some combination of both.

I do know for a fact that it has affected me supremely, both the bliss and the sorrow. It was a lesson learned that will carry on, no matter how long ago. I do wonder from time to time how you're doing. Whether it be you or anyone else, I don't hold any of that afflicted pain or words spoken out of spite. To be truthful, I hope that you're in a good place wherever you are at your point in life, and if not I hope you'll reach it in some way. If I can continue to be honest I also do hope you realize the severity of the things you did do to me. If anything, I hope you feel some sort of apathy and learned lessons of your own. I would not wish any other man to go through that sort of experience at all.

Nothing's really happened since then. Little things here and there, where I did try but received similar results. I'm still as indecisive as ever, likely being even more. It took time, but I have realized the bonafide nature behind my efforts. For a lack of a better syntax, to quote Mayer, "I believe that my life is gonna see, the love I give returned to me." Whoever comes around, I hope they expect the same too and more.

On Sight

Lately, the theme of my spring break has been reconnecting and reinventing. More than usual, I've been shifting my focus towards reestablishing myself both mentally and physically. I've rekindled my passions for many things and I've forced myself to step out of my comfort zone. This momentum that has built up looks promising. No more shall another day be unproductive, and I will continue to make my efforts meaningful.

On the Mend

Started out my spring break exploring a nearby regional park, Lake Chabot. I have to say it sure is gorgeous and all that time there I couldn't help but constantly want to lace up and go on a run there. I'm grateful my friend Cheryl took me there. We've been getting closer and I just enjoy learning more about different people. It's great to wind down, walk around, and talk with somebody. With all the hustle and bustle of daily life, it seems like people have forgotten what it's like to spend their time without an exact incentive or destination.

At times our conversation seemed to just drift off and jump from topic to topic. Surprisingly she got me talking, which at times I'd rather sit and listen, but sometimes I forget that I have things to say as well. Most times I'm torn between comfortable city life and solitude in wilderness. I suppose we all need our own little retreats once in awhile. When I'm older I hope I can have my share of both. So far this break has gone on a great start, with so much more to do. Never stop exploring.

Hang Me, Oh Hang Me

It's been a long winter quarter, and a dry season at that. Usually around this time the rain comes by to revitalize life all around, but not this year. School has been feeling tedious, and I'll have to admit that I've let it get the better of me. I am not too thrilled to say that I could have applied myself so much better this quarter. I only started to pick up the pace later on in the quarter. Better late than never, right? Hopefully I wasn't too late to turn things around. I can assure myself that this will probably be the last quarter I ever do as poorly as this one.

With the longest drought in years, the hills have looked less than lively for the longest time. A short period of rain a couple weeks ago amazingly enough just revitalized everything. The hills that I drove by every day and used to run have started to green again, and it just brings such a heart-warming sensation to me. I can't wait to get back up and running through those hills.

My spring break has finally arrived. I've decided that like those dry and bare boned hills, I use this season to reinvent myself and find another kind of green. I've got plans, and you can bet that I'm out to fulfill them.

It's nice to settle down, take some time to myself. I've been hoping that I can take some time out to read for the sheer pleasure of it, so I went ahead and bought this book by Edward O. Wilson, Letters To a Young Scientist. I'm seeking out some new inspiration for my pursuits in the sciences, and I see that the first-hand perspective of one would be a great start.

It's also due time I picked up my guitar and returned to my love of playing. I'd love to get into more theory based subject, but I'm better off just practicing again for now. One of these days I'm just going to go on a musical retreat. Just the idea of spending a whole day just flexing some creativity muscle sounds perfect. I've been having a lot of inspiration in my writing lately, I've missed it.

The Age of Worry

 

On the inside I'm crying, I swear.

 

Selfie game too strong. Best mom ever.

1.25.14

A year ago I started a project for myself, 13.1 for 2013. The goal was run my first half marathon at the beginning of that year. Of course, life never plays out the way we’d like, and on my 19th birthday I was hit by a car on my celebratory run. The accident wasn’t extreme, and luckily I was able to get up and walk way from it with a facial scar, couple bruises, a concussion, and a fractured facial bone, once I was taken care of at the hospital. Unfortunately my training and race plans were dropped for months to aid in the recovery. Cue a very dark period in my life, and not being able to run was almost as unbearable as the injuries I had. Do not get me wrong, that incident placed me in a whole new perspective and has left me in a better place. Not a single day goes by where I don’t thank God for how blessed my life is, always has been, and will be.

You can bet that once I had the chance to get myself back on the road, I wouldn’t let something like that stop me.

Today, at 20 years old, I literally reached a tremendous milestone in my life, and I was able to successfully run my first half marathon at Coyote Hills. It was the first real race I put in hundreds of miles to train for, my last race being the Turkey Trot in San Jose with my friends, which was the only I had done since high school. Many of my old XC and Track & Field teammates know me for being completely injury-prone throughout the seasons, and being unable to be in most races. Yet, ever since starting off on my own in college, I haven’t had a single training related injury since. The fact that I was able to get through a race of this distance is such an accomplishment, I can’t help but want to pat myself on the back and remind myself that I should never doubt what I can be capable of.
The day was so surreal, having constant jitters the night before, and trying to keep myself mentally focused throughout breakfast. It was when I reached the starting line that I decided to pour it all out on the trail. Being my first half, I hadn’t had much experience in pacing or any of that, so I kind of relied on myself and how I was feeling to determine how hard I should go. I wasn’t looking for placing or having a good time, I just wanted to finish. Looking over the course and how it was described, it didn’t look too bad. It was relatively flat and the loop was reasonable, except for that giant hill that was set before finish line. Seriously, screw that hill. I mean, my share of hill workouts have made me appreciate tackling them, but when you’ve been going for about an hour on flat you really don’t want to see a giant hill when you’re almost finished. Then after having the course explained I learned I had to do the loop twice. Stupid hill.

Because of the recent drought, the hills looked less than alive, with all the mixtures of browns and dry dirt. The race started out freezing cold and ended up in a dry heat. None of these conditions seem too appealing to the regular eye, but that’s the beauty in running. You grow attached to the dirt trails and clouds of dust. Dead dry fauna leaves a symphony of crunches at your feet. Anytime a breeze flows by is a blessing.

The race itself was great, I kept a steady pace for the first loop and picked it up a bit on the second. I tried not to kill myself on the return trail, but I couldn’t help but want to pass up a few people that overtook me throughout the race and were blown out by then. Probably the only thing I’m bummed out about is that my core started to over tighten by the 11 mile mark and it ruined my form on that final hill. By the time I hit the top I was passed up and didn’t have it in me to have that final kick to the finish, which is a huge letdown because that’s like one of the best feelings in the world. Core hasn’t necessarily been a priority ever since school started. With my new schedule getting daily runs in has been a balancing act, but I like to make it work. But I’ve learned my lesson, so that means more cross training and strengthening for me!

It was a tough course, but I tried myself to gut it out through the end.
I ran a 1:47:43 today, probably ranging from a 7:30-8:20 pace. My goal was to finish, to sub 2 hours was a dream, and to place at all in my age group would’ve just blown me away. I did all of those things today, placed 2nd in my age group, and took 69th out of 411 runners. I’m still dumbfounded at this fact.

This is just a start, I’ve got a couple more half marathons to run and hopefully PR this year! At the same time my plans for running a full marathon when I’m 21 are inching ever so closer.
I just wanted to thank everyone who supported me, from MEXC teammates, family, friends, and even my followers (you know who you are). I couldn’t appreciate or thank all of you enough for the motivation you give me daily to always better myself.

I’d especially like to thank my mother, who actually came out to my first ever race with me. She is the one woman in my life who I know will always be the best person to turn towards to have my back. Hugging her at the finish line and hearing her tell me how proud she was of me will always be engraved in my memory.

If you actually sat to read this entire post, you are more than awesome. You redefine the word and give it new meaning. Don’t doubt or hide your talents and abilities, but refine them. Live life wonderfully, and don’t let thoughts that don’t make you stronger get in the way.
Thank you for the read, and with that I leave with one of the quotes that has stuck with me since last year.

"Stand up and walk. Keep moving forward. You’ve got two good legs, so get up and use them. You’re strong enough to make your own path."

Run happy.