Heart Skipped a Beat

I returned to that place the other day. It's been a handful of years at that. The images and words said from that point in my life are now blurred out, but I can still distinctly recall the emotions that came along with it. I reflect upon our experiences now and again, attempting to reinterpret everything when I'll never really make sense of it all. How ironic it is that what brings you up so high can drop you so low, and then repeatedly force you in even deeper. What I remember that used to bring back such a bitter taste no longer takes its toll on me. I do wonder what exactly does the fact that I can barely make out exact details anymore actually mean. Are they smudged out because of self-suppression? Or are they simply little damages that have been enforced that they may no longer be effective? There's a huge distinction between the two. Perhaps it could be some combination of both.

I do know for a fact that it has affected me supremely, both the bliss and the sorrow. It was a lesson learned that will carry on, no matter how long ago. I do wonder from time to time how you're doing. Whether it be you or anyone else, I don't hold any of that afflicted pain or words spoken out of spite. To be truthful, I hope that you're in a good place wherever you are at your point in life, and if not I hope you'll reach it in some way. If I can continue to be honest I also do hope you realize the severity of the things you did do to me. If anything, I hope you feel some sort of apathy and learned lessons of your own. I would not wish any other man to go through that sort of experience at all.

Nothing's really happened since then. Little things here and there, where I did try but received similar results. I'm still as indecisive as ever, likely being even more. It took time, but I have realized the bonafide nature behind my efforts. For a lack of a better syntax, to quote Mayer, "I believe that my life is gonna see, the love I give returned to me." Whoever comes around, I hope they expect the same too and more.

On Sight

Lately, the theme of my spring break has been reconnecting and reinventing. More than usual, I've been shifting my focus towards reestablishing myself both mentally and physically. I've rekindled my passions for many things and I've forced myself to step out of my comfort zone. This momentum that has built up looks promising. No more shall another day be unproductive, and I will continue to make my efforts meaningful.

On the Mend

Started out my spring break exploring a nearby regional park, Lake Chabot. I have to say it sure is gorgeous and all that time there I couldn't help but constantly want to lace up and go on a run there. I'm grateful my friend Cheryl took me there. We've been getting closer and I just enjoy learning more about different people. It's great to wind down, walk around, and talk with somebody. With all the hustle and bustle of daily life, it seems like people have forgotten what it's like to spend their time without an exact incentive or destination.

At times our conversation seemed to just drift off and jump from topic to topic. Surprisingly she got me talking, which at times I'd rather sit and listen, but sometimes I forget that I have things to say as well. Most times I'm torn between comfortable city life and solitude in wilderness. I suppose we all need our own little retreats once in awhile. When I'm older I hope I can have my share of both. So far this break has gone on a great start, with so much more to do. Never stop exploring.

Hang Me, Oh Hang Me

It's been a long winter quarter, and a dry season at that. Usually around this time the rain comes by to revitalize life all around, but not this year. School has been feeling tedious, and I'll have to admit that I've let it get the better of me. I am not too thrilled to say that I could have applied myself so much better this quarter. I only started to pick up the pace later on in the quarter. Better late than never, right? Hopefully I wasn't too late to turn things around. I can assure myself that this will probably be the last quarter I ever do as poorly as this one.

With the longest drought in years, the hills have looked less than lively for the longest time. A short period of rain a couple weeks ago amazingly enough just revitalized everything. The hills that I drove by every day and used to run have started to green again, and it just brings such a heart-warming sensation to me. I can't wait to get back up and running through those hills.

My spring break has finally arrived. I've decided that like those dry and bare boned hills, I use this season to reinvent myself and find another kind of green. I've got plans, and you can bet that I'm out to fulfill them.

It's nice to settle down, take some time to myself. I've been hoping that I can take some time out to read for the sheer pleasure of it, so I went ahead and bought this book by Edward O. Wilson, Letters To a Young Scientist. I'm seeking out some new inspiration for my pursuits in the sciences, and I see that the first-hand perspective of one would be a great start.

It's also due time I picked up my guitar and returned to my love of playing. I'd love to get into more theory based subject, but I'm better off just practicing again for now. One of these days I'm just going to go on a musical retreat. Just the idea of spending a whole day just flexing some creativity muscle sounds perfect. I've been having a lot of inspiration in my writing lately, I've missed it.